Anxiety is one of the most common reasons people seek therapy. Yet I often wonder whether we ask the wrong question.

Instead of asking, “How do I stop feeling anxious?”, perhaps we should first ask, “What is my anxiety trying to tell me?”

Anxiety is often described as something to overcome, manage or get rid of. Whilst there are certainly times when anxiety becomes overwhelming and begins to interfere with daily life, I believe it also deserves our curiosity. Anxiety rarely appears without reason. More often than not, it is responding to something our mind or body has learned through our lived experience.

Sometimes that experience is obvious. A difficult relationship, a loss, an illness or a traumatic event may leave us feeling constantly on edge. At other times, anxiety develops so gradually that we struggle to recognise where it came from. Years of trying to meet other people’s expectations, avoiding conflict, feeling responsible for everyone else, or living in environments where we have not felt emotionally or physically safe can all shape the way we experience the world.

In therapy, I am less interested in trying to silence anxiety than I am in understanding it. Anxiety is not the enemy. It is often a messenger. Rather than asking it to leave immediately, I believe we benefit from listening to what it has been trying to communicate all along.

That does not mean anxiety is always accurate. Our nervous system can become highly sensitive after difficult experiences, causing it to respond to situations that no longer pose the same level of threat. But even then, anxiety is not trying to harm us. It is trying to protect us using the information it has gathered over a lifetime.

One of the most compassionate things we can do is stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and begin asking, “What has happened to me?” That small shift changes everything. It moves us away from self-judgement and towards self-understanding.

I don’t believe people come to therapy because they are broken. I believe they come because something in their life no longer makes sense, and together we begin to make sense of it. As we begin to understand ourselves more deeply, we often find that our anxiety no longer feels quite so frightening. We may not be able to change everything that has happened to us, but we can change how we relate to it.

For some people, therapy provides a space to process past experiences. For others, it offers an opportunity to notice patterns that have quietly shaped their lives for years. Whatever brings someone to therapy, my hope is that they leave feeling lighter, more understood and better equipped to face whatever life brings. Sometimes that comes from finding new perspectives; sometimes it comes simply from knowing they no longer have to carry everything alone.

When we understand why anxiety exists, we often discover that it makes far more sense than we first imagined, And sometimes, that understanding is where healing begins.